Chewin on a Piece of Grass — Promoting America

I was chewin on a piece of grass walkin down Route 6 yesterday when I realized I had a solution to our recent foreign policy woes. We hear endless news broadcasts about growing anti-American sentiment across the globe. We hear complaints that the world is slowly becoming Americanized, and that parts of the Middle East are [...]

My Grandfather’s Dream

(NOTE: This is an exerpt from a decent speech I pulled from my family archives. My grandfather gave this address at the 1932 American Beef Cube Convention in Red Bank, NJ. Why don’t we have leaders like this anymore? He was seriously ahead of his time.) “I have a dream that one day this nation will rise [...]

Yeti is the Man

As the weather warms up, most of us will turn our attention to the porn-addicted Yeti, who, chances are, will hole himself up in his Himalayan cave and watch skin flicks while the rest of the world wonders if he really exists. That bastard! You’ve got to hand it to the dude though — he’s living a lifestyle [...]

Happy Mother’s Day to all Celebrity Moms!

I’d like to take an opportunity to honor all Celebrity Moms on this Mother’s Day 2008! How they remain so attractive and popular and fabulous and still manage to raise beautiful chldren will always confound me. Thank you, Celebrity Moms, for giving me a reason to salivate, reading material to whack it to, and television [...]

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