When at a bar, and someone asks me what I do, I feel the most pertinent piece of info to share is the fact that I make love like a caveman — or more specifically — caveman style. If you’re not sure how it works, you can pretty much imagine what goes down. Just a refresher:
- Actively seek out cavewomen with extended hair growth in the central region of their bodies.
- Don’t shower for weeks before you bone so there’s dirt everywhere, and flies buzzing all around you.
- Make a lot of loud sniffing noises during foreplay to raise levels of arousal.
- If possible, try make sure that you’re missing a few teeth. The same goes for your cavewoman.
- Occasionally make abrupt pauses during the bone session to make sure you aren’t being hunted.
- Slobber on everything in sight as much as you can.
- Howl and unleash deep, extended, primitive screams every 15 seconds or so.
While making love caveman style may come off as uncivilized and harsh, in fact it’s probably the most au naturel move you can do. Don’t be naive either, your ancestors were huge fans of having intercourse this style. What better way to honor those who came before you, while at the same time keeping it as real as possible? Making love caveman style is what it was, what it is, and where it’s going to be. And the sooner everyone realizes this, the sooner decency will prevail…
