What? Say you post-shower-poop? There is nothing worse. Like a cigarette before sex or a delicious bowl of ice cream before dinner, the post shower poop is OK (because it’s still a poop), but it’s not what it poops were meant to be.
It is so true that we are all slaves to the porcelain throne – don’t stray too far from civilization or you’ll be pooping in a hole in the woods, survival style. Yes, in some respects the woods poop intensifies the manliness of an already manly event, but ultimately it detracts all elements of enjoyability, focus, and satisfication that a standard poop stirs up.
Lets face it; the second you get out of the shower in the morning and plop your wet body on that cold, hard, chapel of pain, your morning is ruined. That very second the object of desire and symbol of glory that is the toilet becomes your worst enemy — and you know that from there on out your day is ruined. It’s all over. Why even continue on to the wet wipe, into the shameful re-towling up, and last but not least, the dreaded post poop brushing of the teeth with no shower in between to de-funkify yourself.
It’s a goddamn shame and a slap in the face of decency! How can everything that is so right be so wrong? You work your entire life to be able to control such elements – to develop a code to govern the expectations of social behavior. Act in restraint. Respect your elders. Don’t pop wood in public (and if you do, utilize the tuck). Control your buzz! Pinch that loaf. Don’t barf on the bar. Respect the rules of engagement. Don’t piss into the wind. Don’t yiz yet! And, by all costs, avoid the post shower poop!
All of that said, I sit here and type as a man in shame. I, a man with no self control or restraint to keep things decent, a man where down is up and up is down – I sit here thinking about what could have been. A man that has had a possible decent day ripped from his clutches by the dreaded post shower poop! Ohhh oh oh, WHY!?? Ohhhhhhhhhh WHY ME!!?? WHY POST SHOWER POOP, WHY!!!??
Filed under: not decent
