I was very pleased to wake up this beautiful summer day with a stinky broad passed out drooling all over herself in one of the most rotten, vile, and disgusting motels that has ever existed. Laying there dripping with sweat in my fart-stained tighty-whiteys, a few days worth of stubble on my face, and cigarette butts stamped out on the brown carpet, I thought to myself, “If this is not paradise, I don’t know what is!”
Who this woman was, how I met her, and how we found this motel remain unknown. When I asked this deformed looking lady what the hell happened last night, all she said was that I was a “goddamn lawn-mowing machine last night.” I’m guessing we had a good time.
But more than her lawn-mowing machine comment, perhaps the best indicator of a decent night was where I spent it. This shit-hole motel we stayed in charged by the hour (don’t remember how much we paid). A little homemade sign outside the place read: “Free Adult Movies – All you can watch.” There were insects crawling everywhere, no AC (not even a fan), the toilet was rusty and stained (like my undies), and giz stains and other secretions were evident all over the mattress. Hell, there weren’t even sheets on the bed – just a hot-as-hell wool blanket that my nasty-looking baby hogged all night.
However, what some would call detriments, I’d call discreet signs of decency. For if we’re going for rawness, ripeness, rareness, and rudeness, I’d have to say that these type of grimey motel establishments are just what the doctor ordered. It’s all about keeping it real — and I do know that last night I didn’t set out to have a fancy night out on the town. I wasn’t spending a couple hundred on a meal. I was going screw like a wild ape (also mow some lawns, I guess) — and grimey motels are the perfect stopping stations for some decent adult fun.
Filed under: romance
