decent community

Admit it, we’ve all thought about how decent it would be to have sex with Oprah Winfrey. If you’re a lady, you’d probably give your left boob to to have a post-lesbo session chat in Oprah’s ultra-fluffy bed. If you’re a guy, you’re just probably curious about her bedroom tenacity and having someone whose probably the ultimate sugar mama. We must weigh these factors out. In this post, The Community does just that.

• CON: If Stedman finds out, he’d chop your nuts off, Jesse Jackson style.
• PRO: She’s got mad loot, so she can buy you bronsons if you get thirsty.
• PRO: If you got on her show after the love-making session, every lady in America would want your junk.
• PRO: I always thought she looked a little bit like a moose — so I’m guessing she performs like a moose in the sack!
• PRO: She’s one of the most influential women in the world. Notice the stress on the word “fluent” (love-making rhythm).
• CON: She has a lot of lettuce, so some people may think I was making love with her only for the money.
• CON: I don’t think she’s really into drinking mad bronsons and toking on herbs and playing table tennis after love making sessions, so I’m not sure what we’d do.
• PRO: She probably has people who clean up the bedroom of any sperm, saliva, urine, or poop that may squirt out on the bed during fornication.
• PRO: She’d probably let you in her book club!
• PRO: She’s a really nice lady who has used her celebrity to bring about many good things in the world — and being able to tell your buddies you made love to her would earn you a decent amount of respect.

As you’d probably expect, the pros far outweigh the cons. So… yes, bring on the beef that is Oprah so we can get sticky and sloppy and stinky and all decent things. And more, we’d love for our readers to chime in and let us know about any pros and cons of making love to Oprah that we may have missed.