Slap on the skates and off to the rink! Not the ice rink — We’re talking roller! It’s time to skate! Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
Remember the old days…
It’s Friday night. You had a long week of school and you want to let loose. What better way to blow off some steam then strapping on the old four wheelers for some laps around the roller skating rink? So you beg ma or grandma for a ride to the local roller skating rink praying you won’t be left out of the ensuing action.
Your mom is feeling randy so she doesn’t deny you the one small joy in your life — roller skating. She drops you off and it’s time to show off your moves!
The music’s blasting, the lights are flashing and and the air is infested with the smell of once worn socks and rented roller skates. With your best buddy gliding by your side it’s time to score some chicks. A couple laps backwards or some jumps gets your confidence going.
“You are on fire tonight!” Your buddy says with nothing more then a stare and a head bop as you skate backwards in front of him pointing and smiling as if to say “I am on fire! Thanks for being such a good friend!”
You have never skated soo well — and the chicks are noticing.
You spot a fly baby with her hair pulled back fantastically tight and heavily coated with enough hairspray for the Jackson 5. She is the one, now is your time — It’s Friday night!
You track her around the rink a couples times to learn her skills — you want to be good, but you don’t want to make her look bad. Every now and then ducking behind a crowd to not be noticed, always looking back at your buddy keeping pace a few rows back for moral support. The fog machine kicks in and the atmosphere goes from funky to straight up horn inducing.
You pull up behind your prey and let the dry hump/grind skating take hold off you — consuming her every motion as the sounds of BBD and ball bearings overwhelm your virgin senses you begin to feel funny. If you were old enough to splooge you would. You pop a little chubster and she notices. You’re excited that your moves are working, but more so that she can actually feel your little peen, so you continue skating like you’ve never skated before. You do some jumps, more backwards skating, some light skid moves, spins and even some minor dance moves.
The events of the night lead you round and round with a decent woman and the hardships of a tough school week are forgotten, butbefore you know it, the rink is closing and your mom is outside freaking out beeping the car horn and calling your name bringing youright back down to earth and embarrassing the shit out of you. You say goodbye, maybe get a little kiss and return your skates. Ohhh, it’s just another Friday night at the roller skating rink.
I reflect on this as we receive correspondence from a Decent Community member. Continue on…
Dear Decent Community,
As a 32 year old I still love roller skating. I love the smell of it, the feel of it, the music, the fog, the people. What a great hobby. My mom brings me to and from the rink every day so I can nail tons of hooch. I often hit on chicks at the rink. I love it and soo do they. My life revolves around Friday night roller skating and I just thought that Decent Community should know how decent it is. I can’t wait for Friday night. See you at Hot Wheels?
Fondly,
Larry Jenkins, Jr.
Larry, you trully are a sick and twisted son of a bitch! That said, The Community would like to thank you for reminding us of the insecurities and delights created by the lost event of roller skating. We thought people didn’t skate anymore and are quite disturbed to learn that as a 32 year old you continue to frequent Hot Wheels. But, The Community is always down for a roller skate job and urges all those lost souls to find their inner child, lose the more mature inline skates, get off the streets and take to the roller skating rink.
What’s roller skating and when can I start?
Cheers, great writing.