You’re in a lounge, all dressed up, scoping out chicks, fancy beverage in your hand — ya know, the usual. Everyone inside looks classy, but deep down they like to party. Maybe snort a few rails and dance like motherfuckers. Indeed, the pent up lounge is waiting to erupt, but there’s one thing missing: bad-ass lounge/disco/dance music. That’s when Dimitri from Paris busts in, starts an all night groove-a-thon, and ordains himself as Decent Communty’s Decent Bastard of the Week.

Dimitri from Paris, believe it or not, is not from Paris. Born in Istanbul, with parents from Greece, Dimitri from Paris is internationally hailed as the master of the mix tape. His musical influences are rooted in 1970s funk and disco sounds, which he then fuses with electro and block party hip hop from the 80s.

Dimitri from Paris has followed a glamorous musical path by recording soundtracks and advertising campaigns for fashion houses Chanel, Jean-Paul Gautier and Yves Saint Laurent and remixing hundreds of artists as diverse as Bjork, The Cardigans, and James Brown.

Primarily, however, Dimitri from Paris is a groove instigator. And compiling groove after groove, upon groove, upon groove, he brings absurd, upbeat jives that ooze with flow. We could rant on about what a great DJ Dimitri from Paris is — but the best way is to listen to him do his thing. Please click below and dance your private parts off.

Dimitri from Paris | Motown Party – Paris – April 12, 2009

If Decent Community were assembling a ball club, the first thing we’d do is look for the most chill player available. Then we’d probably scout their mustache, and then probably their hairstyle. Finally, we’d look into their actual abilities on the field. Based on the above criteria, the obvious man to build our team around is Dennis Eckersley. Characters like him make baseball so supremely decent that we feel it’s our obligation to honor “The Eck” as our Decent Bastard of the Week.

Let’s first address his playing career. Six time All-Star. 1988 ALCS MVP. 1989 World Series champion. 1992 AL MVP and Cy Young. One of two players (Smoltz) with seasons of 20 wins and 50 saves. Two-time Rolaids Relief Man of the Year. First ballot Hall of Famer. Now that we got that out of the way….

His look. Following in the tradition mustache-wearing Hall of Fame relievers (Gossage, Sutter, Fingers), with a sort of lettuce/mop/mullet hairstyle and slim physique, Eck looked kinda like a snarling pirate on the mound. His sidearm delivery, however, more closely resembled an elegant swan. Put all of this together, throw in that stylish A’s uniform, and you’ve got a model of how a decent ball player should look.

Astonishingly, Eckersley the decent bastard posessed chill levels that rivaled his remarkable appearence. Widely hailed as a legendary teammate, his intense competitive nature never interfered with his laid-back aura. Listening to him in the Red Sox broadcast booth, you get a feel for Eck’s totally non-contrived character.

Then there’s his lingo: salad (off-speed pitches), slide piece (slider), educated cheese (mediocre fastball thrown by a veteran pitcher), gay cheese (fastball in the mid-80′s), warm cheese (low 90′s fastball), easy gas (effortless heat), hair (comes off a upper 90′s fastball), Gas Masterson (guy who pumps serious fastballs), and johnson (home run, chump hitter, pretty much anything he wants it to mean).

Even if we could ”paint” as well as Dennis Eckersley, we could never design a more decent ball player. Our ideal five tool guy (+pitcher, +hairstyle, +mustache, +lingo, +chill levels), The Community sweats The Eck almost as much as we sweat bronsons. For it’s our opinion that this bastard was/is the most completely decent player to ever put on a major league uniform.

ALERT: PRESS PLAY BEFORE READING THIS POST

Just as the ancient Egyptians needed monarchs to guide them and provide their civilization with fruitful bounties, so does The Community. Whether it’s teachings, deliverence, or even salvation – sustenance from a higher authority is integral to our soul. That’s why this week we’re saluting The Pharaoh by naming him our Decent Bastard of the Week.

Go back twelve years or so to a simpler time when rap music, sports, dime bags, and busting heads were the primary concerns of many. That was the height of The Pharaoh’s reign. Dropping heavy beats, football knowledge, and shwag herbs with a slew of rough characters he welcomed to his domain, The Pharaoh served as figurehead to a kingdom unrivaled to this day. He also had a huge fucking TV and a pitbull.

And while you may think The Pharaoh was a thug by the description above, in fact he was as gentle as they come. Therein lies the greatness of The Pharaoh. His lifestyle and what he projected were exactly what his community so desperately needed during this time period. Whether he was dishing out a bag of grass or a can of whoopass, he was doing it for the greater good.

The Pharaoh’s reign may not be as robust as it was twelve years ago, but that doesn’t mean he’s no longer The Pharaoh. Nay. In fact, it’s The Communty’s stance that The Pharaoh’s dynasty is still in its infancy. Because while he took power at a young age, The Pharoah’s virtues (and his love for weed) will never die. Teach us great Pharaoh! Teach us!

“I let the ringers do the talking.” So says Alan Francis, one of the greatest horseshoe pitchers the world has ever known. This mustachioed marksman has won a record-setting 15 Men’s World Horseshoe titles since 1989. During one tournament, Alan Francis threw a record 64 consecutive ringers! Talk about a Burlington Shower! Talk about Alan Francis being named our Decent Bastard of the Week!

The good-natured Francis is not only a tremendous shoe tosser — he’s also a decent guy. Known as the game’s greatest ambassador, he’s the ultimate celebrity on the horseshoe circuit. “Even his opponents like him,” says Paul Stewart, president of the National Horseshoe Pitchers Association (NHPA). “He’s a polite and humble winner.”

Francis, who works as a salesman for a commercial printing company when he’s not throwing ringers, could get any chick he wants. But in a move displaying ultimate allegiance to horseshoes, he married a babe who is also a world-class shoe tosser. “She is the ringer for my ‘metal stake,’” says Francis.

While most of us have wet dreams of possessing Alan Francis’ sharp-shooting prowess, he recognizes his duty as the world’s pre-eminent horseshoe sniper. ”I have a God-given talent that I shouldn’t waste,” he says. ”I want to be as good as I can be, because I know people enjoy watching people throw ringers.”

Amidst a Nor’easter on September 21, 1982, off the Vermont Avenue jetty in Atlantic City, NJ, Al McReynolds landed a 78 lb 8 oz. striped bass — the largest striper ever caught. For this feat alone, Mr. McReynolds has earned Decent Community’s highest honor — Decent Bastard of the Week.

The fish (53″ long, 34 – 1/2″ girth) reportedly took over four hours to reel in. In his account of landing the big one, however, McReynolds claims, “I didnt catch the devil that night… the devil caught me.”

The fascinating, somewhat sad story of this journeyed east coast fisherman has him living in a motel with his family, allegedly selling the mount of his famed striper to pay off a bar tab, getting Christmas Eve word that he won $250,000 as a result of his catch, and his life soon deteriorating as those close to him boiled with jealousy and demanded monetary handouts.

McReynolds has been described as a “kind and sensitive man with little more than an eighth grade education…  His lack of education, inability to read and write and gentle demeanor enabled the exploitation of his record fish.” The now jaded, broke McReynolds says, “I was so miserable. I have yet to sell a hat, beer, or a even a frisbee.”

Still, Al McReynolds will always have the last laugh because he holds the record for catching the largest striper ever. That fish, perhaps the most pursued, saught-after catch in all of angling, remains his alone.

With the return of The Office for the fall season, The Community felt it pertinent to honor one of our favorite characters, Andy “The Nard Dog” Bernard as our Decent Bastard of the Week. Played by the venerable Ed Helms, The Nard Dog is a walking hilarity. Always well-intentioned, a tad pompous, and possessing an arsenal of biographical buffoonery, Andy Bernard is and out-and-out scene stealer — a solid gold decent bastard!

Why do we love him? Because we admire his style. Namely, his love for partying, his back-rubbing skills, his fondness for tossing the disc, his ability to dish out decent nicknames, his affinity for pig latin, his passion for music (both singing and jamming on the banjo), his fancy for inner-tubing, and his unbelievable fashion sense. Nard Dog says things like this:

“I forgot to tell you the plan for this Saturday. You, me, bar, beers, buzzed. Wings, shots, drunk! Waitresses – hot! Football, Cornell-Hofstra, slaughter! Then quick nap at my place, then we hit the tizzown.”

Sounds decent, huh? Well, Andy Bernard also has nice rides — a Nissan Xterra (“rugged yet luxurious”) and a Toyota Prius. He once shot an 80-lb shark off Montauk with a rifle, and even worked for Abercrombie and Fitch as a travelling salesman. We can’t mention The Nard Dog without noting his Ivy League pedigree (Cornell, obviously), and his well-heeled WASPY lineage, which “goes all the way back to Moses”.

Of course, no man is without faults — and The Nard Dog is no exception. He does have anger management problems and poor taste in ladies (Angela). Andy could get laid a little more too. But these are essentially humanizing aspects of his makeup. Because if he didn’t have anger issues and got laid non-stop, The Nard Dog’s character would be unbelievable in his greatness. Instead, he’s straight decent — a remarkable bastard from a 360 degree vantage.

NOTE: Over the past few weeks, Decent Community has put out feelers to interesting/cool/decent people for an ongoing interview series that we’ll feature on the website. Chuck Woolery agreed to be our first interview.

Best known for his legendary run on Love Connection, beloved game show host Chuck Woolery is now the spokesperson for LoveTactics.com, a best-selling book and online guide that helps men win over the one they want. Chuck, a devout Christian, took some time away from the pool to talk to us about the gameshows, fruit, music and his website. And if you want to check out more of Chuck Woolery’s new online service, check out LoveTactics.com.

DC: Woolery, our website is a big fan of your breed – people who embody decency.

CW: Thank you very much. I’ve always strived to be a decent human being in all aspects of my life.

DC: Do you think your surplus of decency factored into your extraordinary run of success as a television game show host?

CW: I certainly think that was part of it. There’s no doubt I have alluring qualities. I suppose being decent could be thrown in there as well.

DC: Do you think you’re better than Trebek?

CW: We’re two different animals. He’s more brains, and I’m…well…look at me. I’m more beauty. Someone like Sajak is more Woolery-esque – but I still blow that fraud out the water. (sigh) (laugh)

DC: Definitely agreed. So, we heard you’re a big music buff. What are you listening to right now?

CW: At this moment, I’ve got some Steve Miller Band playing on my outdoor speakers. I think it’s the album that came out right before The Joker – ya know, before Miller sold his soul.

DC: We didn’t know that was your scene. Wow. That’s cool.

CW: Thanks. Just trying to be decent. (laugh) (sigh)

DC: Why do you think gay men are called “fruity” or associated with “fruit”?

CW: That’s a misconception. Everyone loves fruit and everyone should eat fruit. I think some guy probably thought it sounded good, thought it fit, and a bunch of people just ran with it. I mean, I like fruit. Do you?

DC: Yeah. Fruit is great.

CW: See what I mean?

DC: I do, definitely. You’re pretty good Woolery. I always knew you were good, but not this good.

CW: Well, I’ve had three wives, so a lot of people think I’m pretty good.

DC. No idea you’ve had three wives. With that, and your experience on Love Connection, you probably have some valuable insights.

CW: I do, and that’s one of the reasons I started LoveTactics.com. I’m well versed in the ways of the woman and I really want to share my knowledge with people who don’t have as much experience as I do. (laugh) (sigh)

DC: We’ll be sure to check out your website. Thanks so much for your time Mr. Woolery. You’re a very decent guy, and we’re thankful you agreed to this interview.

CW: It was my pleasure. Have a great day.

Sam “Mayday” Malone — the epitome of a decent bastard! He was a former Sox pitcher with a nasty slider who owned one of the most renowned bars in history. Being a recovering alcoholic, he still ran Cheers successfully amidst a slew of hard slugging, all-time characters. But more so than anything else, Malone was a legitimate Don Juan — a borderline sex addict — who charmed any and all ladies in the vicinity despite their best efforts to keep his seductive persona at bay.

Make no mistake — Sam Malone was a man’s man, living the dream all dick-owners aspire to. His bar patrons lived vicariously through him and his unprecedented string of female conquests. A seasoned joke teller and a champion ball-buster, this local Boston guy could very well have written the Decent Community Handbook. A DC reader writes in:

“Sam Malone carried a bar, a television show, and most of the male population’s hopes and dreams on his back from 1982 to 1993. (Not to mention all the babes he carried on his johnson!) I was astonished he hadn’t been featured as your Decent Bastard of Week. However, I’m more than confident that after receiving this nomination, he’ll be spotlighted before the Community within minutes.”

I received the email above about 15 minutes ago, and after about five minutes of slamming my head into the wall, I got this post right up. Raise a glass to Sam Malone — a bastard who tagged prudes like Diane Chambers and Rebecca Howe, who pitched five years for the Boston Red Sox, and who was cooler than just about any dude you’ve ever known.

Consumate envelope pusher Beck Hansen has been named Decent Community’s Decent Bastard of the Week. Oozing with unique artistic stylings, Beck’s music is unpredictable, unclassifiable, and an altogether refreshing departure from the spoon fed cacaphony that’s typified in today’s popular music landscape.

He’s produced thoughtful album after thoughtful album — from Mellow Gold and Odelay, through Midnight Vultures and Sea Change, all the way up to Guero, The Information, and Modern Guilt – each album singular and one of a kind. But his music isn’t the only reason he’s been selected to join this elite club of decency. One of our readers writes in:

“Yes. We can all agree Beck’s jams are pretty much the shit. Dude is cool as fuck. But what elevates him to rarefied air is his wife — perhaps the most sought after woman in big screen history. He’s married to the famous redhead from Dazed and Confused, Marissa Rabisi for those who don’t know. If Wooderson covets her, you can bet all of the free world is hankering for this beauty. But Beck has her. What does that tell you?”

It tells us Beck must be the most avant-garde bastard on the scene today. He concocts a type of hip-hop-folk-funk-psychedelic-country-punk-blues-pop-jazz-electronic-art-rock that totally jams to the bone. Connecting the threads, advocating adventure, embodying originality — a decent bastard indeed!

As the saying goes: ”Men of genius are admired, men of wealth are envied, men of beauty are sought after, men of power are feared; but only Fabio is all of these things.” Make no mistake — Fabio is the most beautifully sculpted hunk of meat that civilization has ever known, and it’s with unabashed pride that we crown him as Decent Community’s Decent Bastard of the Week.

What is success? Success is Fabio. The hair, the pectorals, the unrelenting glare, the sponsorship from I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter, even the rumored homosexual fling with David Hasselhoff – Fabio is a God walking this magical earth, a ravishing Adonis to be stared at, and stared at, and stared at some more.

Here’s a paraphrased nomination email, which The Community received from over one million hot chicks:

“I wanna lick Fabio. I’d gladly live homeless if Fabio would slay me just once. I’d give up my two children if Fabio would write me a letter. I’m in heat and I want Fabio. Every time I go to the supermarket, I fantasize of Fabio kissing me passionately on top of the packaged meat section. Fabio has such a deep voice.”

That’s just a sampling of the emails we received. But hey, Fabio is a stunner! A human turn-on who lives by the laws of passion and romance, Decent Bastard Fabio is horseback riding on the beach even when he’s not. He’s doing a perfect swan dive off a 15-foot secluded waterfall. Perhaps he’s even taking a knee, wearing tattered shreds, sword by his side, gazing off into the distance, thinking about how decent he is. Well Fabio, we couldn’t agree with you more!!