Decent Community fully recommends hitting up the ocean, lake, pond or any other body of water near ya for a little summer weekend fun. Grab a brewski, some friends and some grizzle and have a good time in the sun. Hop in a kayak, canoe or small boat with a fat guy — whatever floats your boat (no pun intended). Get a tan, chicks (and dudes) think it’s totally hot.

Keep it Decent, Community, and have a good, summer weekend.

The City of New Bedford has finally raised enough money for a fireworks display after not having the funding for the annual Fourth of July celebration this year. The lights in the sky will happen sometime later on this summer, but If I were Mayor Scott W. Lang, I would put the Ruiz Family of Dartmouth in charge of the celebration. Who are the Ruizs? They live near Massasoit Road in D-Town, and put on a spectacular, 2-hour fireworks display Saturday night in their neighborhood. It was better than the fireworks shot off a barge in Marion the night before. … What’s more American, Toyota or Ford? Of course it’s Toyota. Recent studies have showed that the Japanese automaker uses more American parts in its products that Ford or GM. In fact, the Toyota Camry is the automobile that features the most American-made parts in the world. … So the Blue Jays are shopping ace Roy Halladay. Look out if he gets traded to a National League team. The guy’s been amazing for years while facing the Red Sox, Yankees and Devil Rays every week. Imagine how good he would be against San Diego, Cincinnati and Washington? … Speaking of Halladay, my Red Sox preview predicted he’d get traded to the Dodgers. I also picked right on four Sox All-Stars (Papelbon, Youkilis, Pedroia and Beckett). Not bad pick-wise, but then again I wasn’t actually going out on a limb like picking the Rockies to win the 2007 World Series in 6 games. … Wow, that Michael Jackson star-studded public funeral party concert remembrance on Tuesday was really something. … Trivia: Who was the 12th President of the United States? Zachary Taylor, who died 16 months after bring elected head honcho in 1848. With family and coroner permission, his body was dug up in 1991 and tested for poison levels as people have always speculated he was murdered (the official cause of death was gastroenteritis). The test showed he was not poisoned. … Happy 18th birthday to Spencer Elden. Who? When he was a baby, a picture of him swimming naked graced the famous cover of the Nirvana album “Nevermind.” … Happy 33rd birthday to Fred Savage. This decent dude got to bang Winnie Cooper in “The Wonder Years” and was mega decent in the movie “The Wizard.” He’s a director now, having done episodes of Hannah Montana and Boy Meets World, but the only movie he has ever directed, Daddy Day Camp, made only $3 million in its opening weekend and received a very rare “F” grade from The A.V. Club. … I’d like to wish Tubesteak a happy, relaxing and decent summer hiatus. While he’s off munching hairy muff and giving himself cups of cheese, Helmet Head and I will be keeping it decent for everyone and trying some new things along the way. Stay tuned.

Voyeurs going after a foul ball

Foul Ball (noun) -  Slang for an erratic projectile of pud suds shooting away from the explosive stream of primary funky spunk landing out of play or out of bounds.  In general when a this occurs, the errant love butter is considered dead and the doer must return to his or her original position and continue his turn at the “plate”.

A foul ball is often accompanied by a producer, director, friend or acquaintance yelling “FOUL baaaAAAALLLL!” alerting others in the facility to take cover…

The foul ball often lands unexpectedly, and without penalty to the doer or benefit to the doey, in a voyeur’s lap or violently splashes onto a voyeur’s head. 

Depending on the favorability of the doer, voyeurs may be inclined to go after the foul ball, many times violently, it attempt to acquire possession.  Once acquired, the foul ball is often held up by the voyeur in glee as other voyeurs cheer for his accomplishments.  A memento of the occasion if you will.

In covered facilities, if your little guys (or girls) hit the roof, roof support structure or objects suspended by the roof and lands in foul territory OR if it gets lodged in any of those objects in foul territory and does not fall back into the area of boning it is a foul ball.

P.s. There are two voyeurs in the above picture who are afraid of foul balls.  Can you spot them?

WESTPORT — The Rose Alley Isotopes keep playing good softball, winning two games this week to improve to 18-3 on the season.

Coach Jon Darling is happy with the team’s record, but feels there are still some things that need to improve if the ‘Topes are going to win their first Sandlot Softball League championship.

“We’re playing well, but we’re not perfect by any means,” Darling said Tuesday night after the game against KMP was rained out. “We need to get better on the basepaths and better with the bats, but for the most part, we are playing the best softball we’ve played in the modern ‘Topes era.”

Pat Long led the charge Monday in two wins over the Outlaws, going 6-for-7 with three RBIs and a walk as the ‘Topes cruised to 11-4 and 10-7 victories.

“He’s hitting the ball as well as anyone right now,” Darling said of Long, who’s fifth on the team in batting average at .452. “He’s hitting to all fields and dropping base hits in at clutch times.”

Rose Alley busted the first game open in the third inning with four straight, 2-out RBI singles by Nick Mitcheson, Long, Darling and Ethan Gifford. Dave Gags added a two-run single in the fourth as the ‘Topes cruised to an eight-run victory.

Yim had the loudest hit of the evening with a three-run blast to left center in the second game to put the Isotopes up 6-2 in the second inning. He added two more RBIs in the sixth with Gags and Kurt Homer also driving in runs to seal up the four-run win.

QUICK HITS

Mitcheson made his return to the Topes Monday. Also known as “The Body,” Mitcheson played five seasons for the ‘Topes before an injury forced him to the sidelines. He had three hits and three RBIs in his return. … Pitcher Matt Biltcliffe missed his first games of the modern ‘Topes era Monday. There is now no member of the team who has played in every game in the five-year modern era. Yim came in from the bullpen, tossing two solid games in Bilty’s absence. … The league’s Web site, www.sandlotsoftball.com, is under construction, but should return soon with standings and team stats. … Not surprising, Yim leads the team in batting average (.724) and on-base percentage (.702). Rounding out the team leaders in average are Kenny Jacobsen (.571), Homer (.462), Gags (.458). Jacobsen is also second in on-base (.571) followed by Homer (.482), Long (.463) and Eric McAndrew (.457). … The ‘Topes are a perfect 20-0 when playing in Westport since the end of the 2006 season. … Coach Darling e-mailed Decent Community to praise the efforts of Homer and Long for their efforts trying to get the field playable for Tuesday’s game. … The Isotopes are back in action next week with a double-header Tuesday against the Wrecking Crew and KMP at Cushman Park before battling the rival Bulldogs on Wednesday.

Hello Community! I’d like to give notice to our readers that I, Tubesteak, will be taking a decent summer sabbatical over the next few weeks or so. This is not to say I won’t be writing about decency within The Community, but postings will definitely be less frequent. Indeed, summer is finally here.

Among the endeavors I’ll be pursuing in place of writing here:

• Hanging out at the beach. Swimming, reading, boozing, checking out babes, rolling in the sand, eating slush, playing horseshoes, chucking the tennis ball around, throwing water balloons at punk kids, beach volleyball, paddle ball, body surfing, flying kites, amongst other fun shit.
• Grilling and drinking my ass off. Burgers, Budweisers, steaks, ribs, hot dogs, fruity cocktails, lobsters, fish, mussels, little necks, linguica, Del’s lemonade, corn on the cob, chicken, sausage, Sam Summers, Miller Lites, and other shit that tastes decent.
• Jamming on outdoor activities. Biking, running, golf, bocce, tennis, table tennis, kayaking, fishing, Cape League baseball, hoops, frisbee, fucking around with my dog, whiffle ball, and other shit I feel like jamming on.
• Miscelaneous. Inventing new handshakes, toking on herbs, refining dance moves, seeing live music, prank-calling people, beirut, ripping heat bags, flip cups, learning new magic tricks/card tricks, watching the Red Sox.

This is not intended to be a full-fledged hiatus. Who knows — perhaps I’ll miss The Community too much and be back sooner than planned. But ideally I’ll fire up some fun shit once in a while for all your asses while Fugaze and Helmet Head keep this operation afloat. You can rest assured Community – this sabbatical will be strictly focused on practicing decency.

FAIRHAVEN — The Rose Alley Isotopes (16-3) won both ends of a thrilling double-header Tuesday night and cruised past the Misfits Thursday to extend their hold on first place in the Sandlot Softball League.

Both of Tuesday’s contests were won in walk-off fashion.

The opener against rival KMP started well with Yim nailing a three-run homer in a five-run first inning. The Topes’ bats went silent until the end and KMP battled back to tie the score at 6-6 late in the game. The Topes prevailed in their last at-bat when Dave Gags nailed a line-drive triple to left center. Following two intentional walks to Kurt Homer and Matt Biltcliffe to set up a force at home, Mike Rocha hit the game-winning sacrifice fly to left center, scoring Gags to seal the 7-6 victory.

The Topes sat around drinking beers before the second game against the W. Crew but still managed to lead 4-0 early on RBIs by Gags, Homer, Cousin Scott and Eric McAndrew. Rose Alley fell behind 5-4 in the sixth inning before Pat Long nailed a 2-run bloop single to center. The W. Crew pushed the Topes’ backs against the wall with a 3-run seventh for an 8-6 lead but Rose Alley battled back again with the top of the order scoring three runs without making an out. Gags and Homer drove in the tying and winning runs, respectively, as the Topes swept the double-header with a 9-8 win.

The Isotopes continued to drink heavily on Thursday, when a scheduling conflict forced them to watch a Bulldogs-KMP matchup at Westport before taking the field against the Misfits. When the Topes finally got on the field, they scored early and often, putting up runs in every inning except the second for a 17-2 victory. Yim led the way with a 5-for-5 day with a triple, double and five RBIs. Kenny Jacobsen (3-for-5, 4 runs scored), Gags (2-for-3, 2 doubles, 4 RBIs), Chris Desmarais (2-for-4, 2 doubles) and Cousin Scott (3-for-4, RBI) paced the offense over the Misfits.

QUICK HITS

The Isotopes drank 180 beers this week, with three 30-packs downed during the double-header and two more 30s, an 18-pack and a 12-pack going down against the Misifts. … Rocha is going to be on the disabled list for the foreseeable future after injuring his hand trying to separate veggie patties with a steak knife. … In Rocha’s absence, a ‘Tope from the past is set to make his 2009 debut Monday. … Yim’s first-inning blast Tuesday was his 10th of the season, the third-straight year he has reached double-digits in homers. … Yim, Desmarais, Kenny and Cousin Scott all tried their hands at pitching this week with everyone doing well except for Scooter, who was pulled after throwing eight straight balls. … The Topes will play three games this week. They open Monday against the Outlaws in Westport at 6 p.m. before hosting  KMP Tuesday at Cushman Park at 7:30 p.m. A return trip with the Outlaws is in order for Wednesday in a makeup of a rainout at 6 p.m. in Westport.

“Men in Black” came on late-night TBS a few days ago. Solid flick, some action, some laughs and some special effects. My biggest problem is that they have a hot chick play the coroner. I’ll believe there are aliens on Earth before I believe Linda Fiorentino is a coroner. Little did you know about Fiorentino: She won her part in MIB in a poker game with director Barry Sonnenfeld. … Couple more possibilities for the Famous of the Famous: Walter Kronkite, George W. Bush, Howard Hughes or maybe even Lance Armstrong. … What was Lou Ferrigno (probably close to 250lbs) doing working out with Michael Jackson (90lbs)? … So I guess Greece leads the world in smoking. The country’s government approved an indoor smoking ban recently, but word out is it’s pretty meaningless, just like the two other smoking bans they have been approved in the last 10 years. In Greece, you can smoke anywhere, including hospitals. … Today starts the second half of 2009. There are 182 days left before we get to the big 2010. … Forty-seven years ago today the first Wal-Mart store opened in Arkansas. Now it’s the biggest company in the world. In the last fiscal year, Wal-Mart Inc. reported more than $400 billion in revenue. Stats also show that 100 million Americans visit a Wal-Mart store every week. Talk about success … Happy 45th birthday to brothers Jose and Ozzie Canseco. Jose is the granddaddy of the Steriods problem in baseball, but with everyone denying this and not admitting that, his New York Times bestseller “Juiced” proved to be true. Not one person filed suit against Canseco for the book, which if any of it were not truthful, he would have been slammed with legal action. Remember how cool he was for the “40-40″ club? Trivia: Who are the other three members of the 40-40 Club? answer below. … Happy 52nd birthday to Brett “Hitman” Hart. I remember when Hart would enter the ring, roll out and give his sunglasses to a little kid at ringside. Did you know his former tag team partner, Jim “The Anvil” Neidhart, was actually his brother-in-law? … Happy 38th birthday to Troy Brown. He’s not a Hall-of-Famer by any means, but can’t the Pats retire his number anyway? … Happy birthday to a pair of hotties. Ashley Tisdale is 24 and Lindsay Lohan is 23. … Trivia answers: Barry Bonds (1996: 42HR, 40SB), A-Rod(1998: 42 HR, 48 SB) and Alfonso Soriano (2006: 46HR, 41 SB).

Sam “Mayday” Malone — the epitome of a decent bastard! He was a former Sox pitcher with a nasty slider who owned one of the most renowned bars in history. Being a recovering alcoholic, he still ran Cheers successfully amidst a slew of hard slugging, all-time characters. But more so than anything else, Malone was a legitimate Don Juan — a borderline sex addict — who charmed any and all ladies in the vicinity despite their best efforts to keep his seductive persona at bay.

Make no mistake — Sam Malone was a man’s man, living the dream all dick-owners aspire to. His bar patrons lived vicariously through him and his unprecedented string of female conquests. A seasoned joke teller and a champion ball-buster, this local Boston guy could very well have written the Decent Community Handbook. A DC reader writes in:

“Sam Malone carried a bar, a television show, and most of the male population’s hopes and dreams on his back from 1982 to 1993. (Not to mention all the babes he carried on his johnson!) I was astonished he hadn’t been featured as your Decent Bastard of Week. However, I’m more than confident that after receiving this nomination, he’ll be spotlighted before the Community within minutes.”

I received the email above about 15 minutes ago, and after about five minutes of slamming my head into the wall, I got this post right up. Raise a glass to Sam Malone — a bastard who tagged prudes like Diane Chambers and Rebecca Howe, who pitched five years for the Boston Red Sox, and who was cooler than just about any dude you’ve ever known.