What ya up to this weekend?

Posted on July 10, 2009 by fugaze

Decent Community fully recommends hitting up the ocean, lake, pond or any other body of water near ya for a little summer weekend fun. Grab a brewski, some friends and some grizzle and have a good time in the sun. Hop in a kayak, canoe or small boat with a fat guy — whatever floats your boat (no pun intended). Get a tan, chicks (and dudes) think it’s totally hot.

Keep it Decent, Community, and have a good, summer weekend.

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Thursday Ramblings

Posted on July 9, 2009 by fugaze

The City of New Bedford has finally raised enough money for a fireworks display after not having the funding for the annual Fourth of July celebration this year. The lights in the sky will happen sometime later on this summer, but If I were Mayor Scott W. Lang, I would put the Ruiz Family of Dartmouth in charge of the celebration. Who are the Ruizs? They live near Massasoit Road in D-Town, and put on a spectacular, 2-hour fireworks display Saturday night in their neighborhood. It was better than the fireworks shot off a barge in Marion the night before. … What’s more American, Toyota or Ford? Of course it’s Toyota. Recent studies have showed that the Japanese automaker uses more American parts in its products that Ford or GM. In fact, the Toyota Camry is the automobile that features the most American-made parts in the world. … So the Blue Jays are shopping ace Roy Halladay. Look out if he gets traded to a National League team. The guy’s been amazing for years while facing the Red Sox, Yankees and Devil Rays every week. Imagine how good he would be against San Diego, Cincinnati and Washington? … Speaking of Halladay, my Red Sox preview predicted he’d get traded to the Dodgers. I also picked right on four Sox All-Stars (Papelbon, Youkilis, Pedroia and Beckett). Not bad pick-wise, but then again I wasn’t actually going out on a limb like picking the Rockies to win the 2007 World Series in 6 games. … Wow, that Michael Jackson star-studded public funeral party concert remembrance on Tuesday was really something. … Trivia: Who was the 12th President of the United States? Zachary Taylor, who died 16 months after bring elected head honcho in 1848. With family and coroner permission, his body was dug up in 1991 and tested for poison levels as people have always speculated he was murdered (the official cause of death was gastroenteritis). The test showed he was not poisoned. … Happy 18th birthday to Spencer Elden. Who? When he was a baby, a picture of him swimming naked graced the famous cover of the Nirvana album “Nevermind.” … Happy 33rd birthday to Fred Savage. This decent dude got to bang Winnie Cooper in “The Wonder Years” and was mega decent in the movie “The Wizard.” He’s a director now, having done episodes of Hannah Montana and Boy Meets World, but the only movie he has ever directed, Daddy Day Camp, made only $3 million in its opening weekend and received a very rare “F” grade from The A.V. Club. … I’d like to wish Tubesteak a happy, relaxing and decent summer hiatus. While he’s off munching hairy muff and giving himself cups of cheese, Helmet Head and I will be keeping it decent for everyone and trying some new things along the way. Stay tuned.

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Decent Community Urban Dictionary

Posted on July 9, 2009 by helmet head

foul

Voyeurs going after a foul ball

Foul Ball (noun) -  Slang for an erratic projectile of pud suds shooting away from the explosive stream of primary funky spunk landing out of play or out of bounds.  In general when a this occurs, the errant love butter is considered dead and the doer must return to his or her original position and continue his turn at the “plate”.

A foul ball is often accompanied by a producer, director, friend or acquaintance yelling “FOUL baaaAAAALLLL!” alerting others in the facility to take cover…

The foul ball often lands unexpectedly, and without penalty to the doer or benefit to the doey, in a voyeur’s lap or violently splashes onto a voyeur’s head. 

Depending on the favorability of the doer, voyeurs may be inclined to go after the foul ball, many times violently, it attempt to acquire possession.  Once acquired, the foul ball is often held up by the voyeur in glee as other voyeurs cheer for his accomplishments.  A memento of the occasion if you will.

In covered facilities, if your little guys (or girls) hit the roof, roof support structure or objects suspended by the roof and lands in foul territory OR if it gets lodged in any of those objects in foul territory and does not fall back into the area of boning it is a foul ball.

P.s. There are two voyeurs in the above picture who are afraid of foul balls.  Can you spot them?

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Isotopes Week in Review: Still going Strong

Posted on July 8, 2009 by fugaze

topesblack

WESTPORT — The Rose Alley Isotopes keep playing good softball, winning two games this week to improve to 18-3 on the season.

Coach Jon Darling is happy with the team’s record, but feels there are still some things that need to improve if the ‘Topes are going to win their first Sandlot Softball League championship.

“We’re playing well, but we’re not perfect by any means,” Darling said Tuesday night after the game against KMP was rained out. “We need to get better on the basepaths and better with the bats, but for the most part, we are playing the best softball we’ve played in the modern ‘Topes era.”

Pat Long led the charge Monday in two wins over the Outlaws, going 6-for-7 with three RBIs and a walk as the ‘Topes cruised to 11-4 and 10-7 victories.

“He’s hitting the ball as well as anyone right now,” Darling said of Long, who’s fifth on the team in batting average at .452. “He’s hitting to all fields and dropping base hits in at clutch times.”

Rose Alley busted the first game open in the third inning with four straight, 2-out RBI singles by Nick Mitcheson, Long, Darling and Ethan Gifford. Dave Gags added a two-run single in the fourth as the ‘Topes cruised to an eight-run victory.

Yim had the loudest hit of the evening with a three-run blast to left center in the second game to put the Isotopes up 6-2 in the second inning. He added two more RBIs in the sixth with Gags and Kurt Homer also driving in runs to seal up the four-run win.

QUICK HITS

Mitcheson made his return to the Topes Monday. Also known as “The Body,” Mitcheson played five seasons for the ‘Topes before an injury forced him to the sidelines. He had three hits and three RBIs in his return. … Pitcher Matt Biltcliffe missed his first games of the modern ‘Topes era Monday. There is now no member of the team who has played in every game in the five-year modern era. Yim came in from the bullpen, tossing two solid games in Bilty’s absence. … The league’s Web site, www.sandlotsoftball.com, is under construction, but should return soon with standings and team stats. … Not surprising, Yim leads the team in batting average (.724) and on-base percentage (.702). Rounding out the team leaders in average are Kenny Jacobsen (.571), Homer (.462), Gags (.458). Jacobsen is also second in on-base (.571) followed by Homer (.482), Long (.463) and Eric McAndrew (.457). … The ‘Topes are a perfect 20-0 when playing in Westport since the end of the 2006 season. … Coach Darling e-mailed Decent Community to praise the efforts of Homer and Long for their efforts trying to get the field playable for Tuesday’s game. … The Isotopes are back in action next week with a double-header Tuesday against the Wrecking Crew and KMP at Cushman Park before battling the rival Bulldogs on Wednesday.

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Summer Vacation Notice

Posted on July 7, 2009 by tubesteak

Hello Community! I’d like to give notice to our readers that I, Tubesteak, will be taking a decent summer sabbatical over the next few weeks or so. This is not to say I won’t be writing about decency within The Community, but postings will definitely be less frequent. Indeed, summer is finally here.

Among the endeavors I’ll be pursuing in place of writing here:

This is not intended to be a full-fledged hiatus. Who knows — perhaps I’ll miss The Community too much and be back sooner than planned. But ideally I’ll fire up some fun shit once in a while for all your asses while Fugaze and Helmet Head keep this operation afloat. You can rest assured Community – this sabbatical will be strictly focused on practicing decency.

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Isotopes Week in Review: Taking a Strong Hold on First Place

Posted on July 3, 2009 by fugaze

topesblack

FAIRHAVEN — The Rose Alley Isotopes (16-3) won both ends of a thrilling double-header Tuesday night and cruised past the Misfits Thursday to extend their hold on first place in the Sandlot Softball League.

Both of Tuesday’s contests were won in walk-off fashion.

The opener against rival KMP started well with Yim nailing a three-run homer in a five-run first inning. The Topes’ bats went silent until the end and KMP battled back to tie the score at 6-6 late in the game. The Topes prevailed in their last at-bat when Dave Gags nailed a line-drive triple to left center. Following two intentional walks to Kurt Homer and Matt Biltcliffe to set up a force at home, Mike Rocha hit the game-winning sacrifice fly to left center, scoring Gags to seal the 7-6 victory.

The Topes sat around drinking beers before the second game against the W. Crew but still managed to lead 4-0 early on RBIs by Gags, Homer, Cousin Scott and Eric McAndrew. Rose Alley fell behind 5-4 in the sixth inning before Pat Long nailed a 2-run bloop single to center. The W. Crew pushed the Topes’ backs against the wall with a 3-run seventh for an 8-6 lead but Rose Alley battled back again with the top of the order scoring three runs without making an out. Gags and Homer drove in the tying and winning runs, respectively, as the Topes swept the double-header with a 9-8 win.

The Isotopes continued to drink heavily on Thursday, when a scheduling conflict forced them to watch a Bulldogs-KMP matchup at Westport before taking the field against the Misfits. When the Topes finally got on the field, they scored early and often, putting up runs in every inning except the second for a 17-2 victory. Yim led the way with a 5-for-5 day with a triple, double and five RBIs. Kenny Jacobsen (3-for-5, 4 runs scored), Gags (2-for-3, 2 doubles, 4 RBIs), Chris Desmarais (2-for-4, 2 doubles) and Cousin Scott (3-for-4, RBI) paced the offense over the Misfits.

QUICK HITS

The Isotopes drank 180 beers this week, with three 30-packs downed during the double-header and two more 30s, an 18-pack and a 12-pack going down against the Misifts. … Rocha is going to be on the disabled list for the foreseeable future after injuring his hand trying to separate veggie patties with a steak knife. … In Rocha’s absence, a ‘Tope from the past is set to make his 2009 debut Monday. … Yim’s first-inning blast Tuesday was his 10th of the season, the third-straight year he has reached double-digits in homers. … Yim, Desmarais, Kenny and Cousin Scott all tried their hands at pitching this week with everyone doing well except for Scooter, who was pulled after throwing eight straight balls. … The Topes will play three games this week. They open Monday against the Outlaws in Westport at 6 p.m. before hosting  KMP Tuesday at Cushman Park at 7:30 p.m. A return trip with the Outlaws is in order for Wednesday in a makeup of a rainout at 6 p.m. in Westport.

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Thursday Ramblings

Posted on July 2, 2009 by fugaze

“Men in Black” came on late-night TBS a few days ago. Solid flick, some action, some laughs and some special effects. My biggest problem is that they have a hot chick play the coroner. I’ll believe there are aliens on Earth before I believe Linda Fiorentino is a coroner. Little did you know about Fiorentino: She won her part in MIB in a poker game with director Barry Sonnenfeld. … Couple more possibilities for the Famous of the Famous: Walter Kronkite, George W. Bush, Howard Hughes or maybe even Lance Armstrong. … What was Lou Ferrigno (probably close to 250lbs) doing working out with Michael Jackson (90lbs)? … So I guess Greece leads the world in smoking. The country’s government approved an indoor smoking ban recently, but word out is it’s pretty meaningless, just like the two other smoking bans they have been approved in the last 10 years. In Greece, you can smoke anywhere, including hospitals. … Today starts the second half of 2009. There are 182 days left before we get to the big 2010. … Forty-seven years ago today the first Wal-Mart store opened in Arkansas. Now it’s the biggest company in the world. In the last fiscal year, Wal-Mart Inc. reported more than $400 billion in revenue. Stats also show that 100 million Americans visit a Wal-Mart store every week. Talk about success … Happy 45th birthday to brothers Jose and Ozzie Canseco. Jose is the granddaddy of the Steriods problem in baseball, but with everyone denying this and not admitting that, his New York Times bestseller “Juiced” proved to be true. Not one person filed suit against Canseco for the book, which if any of it were not truthful, he would have been slammed with legal action. Remember how cool he was for the “40-40″ club? Trivia: Who are the other three members of the 40-40 Club? answer below. … Happy 52nd birthday to Brett “Hitman” Hart. I remember when Hart would enter the ring, roll out and give his sunglasses to a little kid at ringside. Did you know his former tag team partner, Jim “The Anvil” Neidhart, was actually his brother-in-law? … Happy 38th birthday to Troy Brown. He’s not a Hall-of-Famer by any means, but can’t the Pats retire his number anyway? … Happy birthday to a pair of hotties. Ashley Tisdale is 24 and Lindsay Lohan is 23. … Trivia answers: Barry Bonds (1996: 42HR, 40SB), A-Rod(1998: 42 HR, 48 SB) and Alfonso Soriano (2006: 46HR, 41 SB).

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Little Nugget of Decency (or Indecency)

Posted on July 2, 2009 by helmet head

Nugget Names

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Knowing a Pseudo-Celebrity

Posted on July 1, 2009 by tubesteak

Boston Rob -- a classic pseudo-celeb

You know you’ve heard it before: “Oh my God! My friend’s cousin’s roommate was a contestant on The Bachelor” or “I know a guy who played high school football with some dude who went on Fear Factor.” or “My uncle’s ex-wife’s sister was on Blind Date.” These statements are followed by a pause and then something like, “Isn’t that cool?” — which basically translates into “Aren’t I cool?” Not really, mon frere. It’s not like you know Stallone, or Obama, or Pamela Anderson!

In today’s celeb-obsessed culture, with reality TV and YouTube sensations, the meaning of “fame” has become a bit ambiguous. I mean, what makes someone famous and when is it cool to know a celeb?

“My friend tried out for American Idol and made it to Hollywood after singing ‘Damn, I Wish I Was Your Lover.’ Can’t you see I’m cool? Oh and by the way, my boy got in a fight with that guy from the Real World at a strip club. Cool shit, eh? I’m gonna tell everyone about it.”

No. Sorry. You’re not decent because you know someone who has been on TV. In fact, you’re less decent if you’re flaunting your flimsy association around. Because, for the most part, these pseudo-celebrity wannabes are douchebags who seek the limelight — but fail to seek decency. So unless these mock celebs are somehow improving your lifestyle, you’ll come off far better boasting about people relevant to you than some bogus fame pirate who brings zero shit to the table.

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Sam Malone is Our Decent Bastard of the Week

Posted on June 30, 2009 by tubesteak

Sam “Mayday” Malone — the epitome of a decent bastard! He was a former Sox pitcher with a nasty slider who owned one of the most renowned bars in history. Being a recovering alcoholic, he still ran Cheers successfully amidst a slew of hard slugging, all-time characters. But more so than anything else, Malone was a legitimate Don Juan — a borderline sex addict — who charmed any and all ladies in the vicinity despite their best efforts to keep his seductive persona at bay.

Make no mistake — Sam Malone was a man’s man, living the dream all dick-owners aspire to. His bar patrons lived vicariously through him and his unprecedented string of female conquests. A seasoned joke teller and a champion ball-buster, this local Boston guy could very well have written the Decent Community Handbook. A DC reader writes in:

“Sam Malone carried a bar, a television show, and most of the male population’s hopes and dreams on his back from 1982 to 1993. (Not to mention all the babes he carried on his johnson!) I was astonished he hadn’t been featured as your Decent Bastard of Week. However, I’m more than confident that after receiving this nomination, he’ll be spotlighted before the Community within minutes.”

I received the email above about 15 minutes ago, and after about five minutes of slamming my head into the wall, I got this post right up. Raise a glass to Sam Malone — a bastard who tagged prudes like Diane Chambers and Rebecca Howe, who pitched five years for the Boston Red Sox, and who was cooler than just about any dude you’ve ever known.

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Check Out Some Decent Videos

Posted on June 30, 2009 by tubesteak

The Community thought it would be a decent move to start posting more videos of random goods we think our readers may get a kick out of. So we added this new little “thingy” to the right that will feature a steady a rotation of heady/interesting/funny clips.

Check ‘em out if you’re bored, and please feel free to send over a link to a vid you think others may enjoy. We’re trying to ramp up this up this Decent website — but it will only go as far as our Community wants us to go. So please be in touch with us — DecentCommunity@gmail.com – and share in the decency.

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Decent Website of the Week: Omegle.com

Posted on June 29, 2009 by tubesteak

Alright, The Community has been alerted to a decent little website called Omegle.com. Here’s how it works: there’s thousands of people who go on the site, and you get randomly paired with someone for a one-on-one chat. It’s totally anonymous, you don’t sign up for anything. It’s just “You” and some dude named “Stranger.”

We’ve been messing around with it for the past ten minutes. It’s surprising how difficult it is to start up a decent conversation. But that’s also part of the fun of it. Other perks for Omegle.com is that you can get transcripts of your memorable exchanges, you can fuck with peoples’ heads, and you can check out how scary-weird people pass their time.

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The Famous of the Famous

Posted on June 29, 2009 by fugaze

The passing of Michael Jackson last week sparked some conversation as to how famous he was. A colleague of mine, Coodz, went ahead and compiled this list of the Most Famous People of the Last 100 Years. It’s about pure famousness and name recognition, for good or bad, and just being big time in America won’t cut it. Here’s what he came up with, in no particular order:

Winston Churchhill, Adolf Hitler, Bill Clinton, Michael Jordan, Frank Sinatra, Mother Teresa, Bill Gates, Pablo Picasso, Charlie Chaplin, Babe Ruth, Muhammad Ali, Pope JP II, Charles Lindbergh, Joseph Stalin, Ernest Hemingway, Douglas Fairbanks, Mao Tse Tung, Mahatma Gandhi, Bob Marley, Albert Einstein, Leonard Bernstein, The Dalai Lama, FDR, Obama, Dwight Eisenhower, Haile Selassie, Gary Cooper, Cary Grant, Bob Hope, Grace Kelly, Madonna, Elvis, Charles DeGaulle, Pele, Albert  Schweitzer, John Wayne, Martin Luther King, Paul McCartney, Michael Jackson, Stephen King, Princess Di, Queen Elizabeth, Tiger Woods and Bill Cosby.

Now I think John Lennon, Jonny Carson and Walt Disney should be included and maybe even Arnold Schwarzenegger, Steve Jobs and Tubesteak (just kidding). What do you think? Leave a comment on who should stay, who should go or who should join this decent party of famous people.

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Decent Tribute to Michael Jackson

Posted on June 26, 2009 by fugaze

Dear Michael Jackson,

You were one of the top-five Most Famous People of all time. Your music, your tunes, your sound and your performances were the stuff of legends. You were awesome in that 3-D Captain EO show at Epcot. You own 13 Grammy awards. You’ve sold  more than 50 million copies of “Thriller.” You have a higher Q Score than Barack Obama.

You became a wierd dude. Your skin got kinda white. Your nose looks wierd. You admitted you like to have young boys sleep in your bed. You settled a lawsuit alleging you molested a 13-year-old. You named your kid Prince Michael II.

You won some. You lost some. You made money. You lost money. You had fun. You ruined lives. You inspired people. You ruined people. You boned Elvis’ daughter.

Rest in Peace,
Decent Community

PS: Hope you don’t mind this selection of some of the best Michael Jackson jokes. After all, take solace in the thought that you’ve made countless people laugh for many moons.

Q: How did Michael Jackson get food poisoning?
A: He ate a nine-year-old wiener.

Q: Why does Michael Jackson wear a pair of boys’ underwear on his arm?
A: It’s a patch — he’s trying to quit.

Q: Why did Michael Jackson call Boyz-2-Men?
A: He thought it was a delivery service.

Q: What has 18 balls and 3 public hairs?
A: A Michael Jackson slumber party.

Q: What’s brown and often found in a baby’s diaper?
A: Michael Jackson’s hand.

Check out this site for hundreds more MJ jokes.

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Decent Caption Contest Double Dip

Posted on June 25, 2009 by tubesteak

shitload of cokeNot exactly the “shitload of coke” I had in mind.

 

poof daddyWhat da puff?

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Thursday Ramblings

Posted on June 25, 2009 by fugaze

A new scum meter is needed to measure how much of an asshole South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford is. He vanished from his wife and four kids last week, at first saying he had been hiking before coming clean and admitting he flew to South America to bone a chick he had been having an affair with. Great way to spend Father’s Day d-bag, keeping your four kids wondering where you are while you’re hitting Argentenian ass. … I’ve commonly speculated that big companies are using the recession as an excuse to lay-off big numbers to increase profits without public backlash. That’s exactly what Texas Rangers owner Tom Hicks did recently when, despite an 11 percent increase in ticket sales over last year, layed-off almost 10 percent of team employees. … Bet you can’t guess who Toyota Motor Co. picked as its new President and chief white collar toughguy? Akio Toyoda, no joke. … Amusing story out of Placer County, a quiet place outside Sacramento, Calif. The deer population is blowing up (cars hitting dear has increased 10-fold), and to resolve it, the county may issue hunting tags for shotguns and bows to 25 extra hunters this season, as long as they’re between 12 and 17 years old!. … Happy 37th birthday to former Red Sox enemy Carlos Delgado. I used to hate watching him hit bombs off the Sox in the Skydome. He was the only guy on those crappy Blue Jays teams who posed any offensive threat. His best season was 2000, when he hit .344 (64 points above his career average — steroids?) with 41 homers and 137 RBIs. … Happy 44th birthday to Dikembe Mutombo, a vicious shot-blocker who named an All-Star eight times. Did you know Mutombo speaks French, Spanish and Portuguese? Decent! Of note: He was the 4th pick in the 1991 Maja Latinovic Shows Her Nice Tits On The StageDraft (Grandmama Larry Johnson went No. 1), the same year the Celtics selected slick Rick Fox at No. 24. … The best-looking chica to celebrate a birthday today? That would be Serbian model Maja Latinovic, who hits the big 30 today. … “The Isotopes got rained out three times this week. Damn Mother Nature,” coach Jon Darling wrote recently in an e-mail to Decent Community. “We’ll be back in action Tuesday with a double-header at Cushman Park in Fairhaven against KMP and the Wrecking Crew.”

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Decent Website of the Week: This Is Why You’re Fat

Posted on June 24, 2009 by tubesteak

Snack Pizza Bomb -- Pizza topped with french fries, sliced corn dogs, popcorn chicken and Doritos.

We love this new website we found called This Is Why You’re Fat, whose tagline is “where dreams become heart attacks.” The above picture pretty much tells the story of this website, which features some of the most out-of-this-world, grotesque concoctions that surely taste amazing.

The website essentially takes something deep fried, adds it to something with a zillion calories, and then tops it off with something dripping with grease for good measure. This Is Why You’re Fat presents appealing dishes which are, ultimately, the reason you’re so goddamned fat. A guilty pleasure indeed!

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Decent Community’s Summer Reading List

Posted on June 24, 2009 by tubesteak

Ah yes, the joys of summer reading. Waves gently crashing in the background, blue skies, and fruity cocktails. Decent Community would like to present our summer reading list for 2009. As you probably have gathered, we’re odd birds, so we’ve got an unconventional list of ten must-read books. Click on the link below to view our complete docket of titles. Please enjoy…

 

 

1. The Big Book of Lesbian Horse Stories depicts forbidden same-sex love and all its titillating temptation. Eight stories are set in different periods of history, from the Stonewall Riots to Dustbowl Depression. Each involves a girl, a horse and womanly attraction.

 

 

 

 

2. If you have ever wondered what action to take to keep clear of a fast moving ship, this book will remove the doubt. Author is a Master Mariner and Deep Sea Towing Master, Licensed Panama Canal Pilot and Active Washington State Pilot.

 

 

 

Read more »

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A Decent Version of Jon and Kate Plus 8

Posted on June 24, 2009 by helmet head

decent john and kate copy

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The Community’s Tamiflu Sale

Posted on June 23, 2009 by tubesteak

The great swine-flu scare that occurred some weeks ago instilled freakish levels panic that reverberated throughout our community. Afraid to venture outside for fear of contracting the deadly H1N1, The Community entered defense mode by nestling up in a remote bunker with 750 cases of Tamiflu containing 150,000 individual doses. At the time, it seemed like the safe thing to do.

Fast forward to present day — the swine flu is now contained, hardly anyone became infected, and The Community is in possession of about 149, 967 doses of Tamiflu. We decided it’s time to start slingin our shit.

We’re offering unheard of deals to the tune of:

  • 5 capsules for $35
  • 10 capsules for $60
  • 20 capsules for $100

If you’re looking to buy in bulk, we’d love to speak with you. The Community took a bit of a financial hit during the scare and we really need to unload all this Tamiflu. God forbid – please help us out.

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