Decent Community Monologue

Posted on February 10, 2010 by helmet head

Coroner releases the details about Michael Jackson’s death concluding that Jackson died from “acute propofol intoxication”.  The autopsy also found on Jackson’s palm, clearly written in black ink:  “Fix nose”  “Moonwalk” (crossed out), “Buy new lips”.

An Iranian court has sentenced one person to death and eight others to  prison for their parts in anti-government demonstrations.  They were convicted of “waging war against God”.  When asked about their death sentence, one man replied:  “At least now I’ll get dragged to my death and not dragged to see Valentine’s Day“.

The Rev. Ricky Kirton, the pastor who performed the marriage of Tiger Woods and Elin Nordegren has a message for the troubled couple:  “Forgive each other.  Be there for each other, and it will work out.”  After talking to his pastor Tiger “forgave” his nurse, “was there” for his psychiatrist and “worked it out” all over his waitress.  Tiger then proceeded to call his wife, mother, children, and People magazine, crashing his car into every fire hydrant in Mississippi before totaling his SUV full of sex tapes and cyber sleeves into the town’s oldest willow tree.

On Tuesday President Obama held bipartisan talks on jobs as Nancy Pelosi sat in the background focused on keeping her whiskey farts under wraps.

For more on Nancy Pelosi’s jet-setting, tax payer funded booze extravaganzas click here.

When asked about Obama’s plan, Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell, R-Kentucky, told reporters “the Senate could get there with a small package.”  And who better than Mitch McConnell to talk about how to get by with a small package.

Hey Mitch, how big’s your dick?

Pequeño

Filed under: comedy, events, movies, politics, pop culture, questions, romance, sports, style | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Nine Decent Jeopardy Facts

Posted on February 9, 2010 by ptrain

*I was watching Jeopardy tonight and was thinking about what a great show it is. Here’s some porn for Jeopardy fans courtesy of Neatorama:

1. The original name of the show was What’s the Question? After pitching it to the network brass, Merv Griffin decided to change the name to the catchier one we know today. The reason? One of the execs thought that the game was a great idea, but that the game needed more jeopardies. NBC ended up buying the show without even seeing a pilot.

2. The winner with the smallest amount of earnings at the end of the game managed to triumph over the other two contestants by keeping a mere dollar. On January 19, 1993, Air Force Lt. Col. Daryl Scott cleverly bid just enough to keep him afloat. The other contestants got the question wrong and lost everything. No one else has ever won by keeping a single George Washington. The answer? “His books ‘No Easy Walk to Freedom’ and ‘The Struggle is My Life’ were published during his imprisonment.” The question? “Who is Nelson Mandela.”

3. The infamous Final Jeopardy music has a name – it’s called “Time for Tony” and it was written by Merv Griffin as a lullaby for his son. If you’re familiar with the song, no doubt it’s not much of a lullaby to you – it serves more as a reminder that time is running out and you’d better hurry. It was tweaked a little bit and renamed “Think!” Over the years, Griffin estimated that royalties from the theme song earned him roughly $70 million.

4. The record for the largest one-day total ever belongs to Ken Jennings, of course. He’s the only contestant to surpass $52,000 in one day, and he surpassed it by a landslide with $75,000. Jennings actually holds 11 of the top 15 earnings spots. One of these top 15 spots was actually earned during Jeopardy! Kids Week by a 12-year-old from Virginia named Kunle Demuren, whose knowledge and quick buzzer finger earned him $49,000.

5. Back in the pre-Trebek era when Art Fleming was the host, contestants could start the audition process by just giving the office in New York a call. They would pass preliminary tests over the phone and then set up a date and time to audition in person if the were eligible. Once they made it to the actual office, potential contestants went through a written test and a faux game. These days, the audition process often starts on the Internet during designated testing times. Sometimes a “Brain Bus” also roams the country and tests Ken Jennings-wannabes.

6. In the show’s entire history, a three-way tie has only happened once. It happened fairly recently too – on March 16, 2007, every single contestant ended Final Jeopardy with $16,000. They all returned the following week to play again. You can see it happen here – Alex Trebek seems quite pleased.

7. “I Lost on Jeopardy” was released by Weird Al Yankovic in 1984. Original host Art Fleming has a cameo as himself and original announcer Don Pardo shows up to tell Yankovic all of the fabulous prizes he failed to win. The funny thing is, Weird Al was actually on Rock & Roll Jeopardy and lost to Gary Dell’Abate, better known as Howard Stern’s sidekick Baba Booey.

8. Julann Griffin, Merv’s wife, was integral to the development of the show. She helped him develop the unique answer-and-question format when they were on a plane ride to New York in the early ’60s. From 1964-1975, a piece Julann composed served as the theme to the show. It was called “Take Ten.”

9. If Alex Trebek seems a little condescending when he corrects players with wrong answers, as if he would know the answers himself even without his cheat sheet, well… he just might. Trebek is pretty brainy. Time magazine once asked him if there was an easy question that he ever didn’t know the answer to, and this was Trebek’s response:

We were doing some shows at Radio City Music Hall in New York City, and during the commercial breaks I’d go out and talk to the people in the audience. And a little boy stood up and asked, When was the Magna Carta signed? I said 1216. I was off by a year. I know a lot about the Magna Carta, but unfortunately I got the date wrong in front of 6,000 people.

He admits that he probably wouldn’t do too well if he actually had to participate on the show, though, due to his slow reflexes. Read more of Trebek’s interview with Time.

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Dimitri From Paris Is Our Decent Bastard of the Week

Posted on February 8, 2010 by jivetalk34

You’re in a lounge, all dressed up, scoping out chicks, fancy beverage in your hand — ya know, the usual. Everyone inside looks classy, but deep down they like to party. Maybe snort a few rails and dance like motherfuckers. Indeed, the pent up lounge is waiting to erupt, but there’s one thing missing: bad-ass lounge/disco/dance music. That’s when Dimitri from Paris busts in, starts an all night groove-a-thon, and ordains himself as Decent Communty’s Decent Bastard of the Week.

Dimitri from Paris, believe it or not, is not from Paris. Born in Istanbul, with parents from Greece, Dimitri from Paris is internationally hailed as the master of the mix tape. His musical influences are rooted in 1970s funk and disco sounds, which he then fuses with electro and block party hip hop from the 80s.

Dimitri from Paris has followed a glamorous musical path by recording soundtracks and advertising campaigns for fashion houses Chanel, Jean-Paul Gautier and Yves Saint Laurent and remixing hundreds of artists as diverse as Bjork, The Cardigans, and James Brown.

Primarily, however, Dimitri from Paris is a groove instigator. And compiling groove after groove, upon groove, upon groove, he brings absurd, upbeat jives that ooze with flow. We could rant on about what a great DJ Dimitri from Paris is — but the best way is to listen to him do his thing. Please click below and dance your private parts off.

Dimitri from Paris | Motown Party – Paris – April 12, 2009

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Super Bowl Mania

Posted on February 5, 2010 by fugaze

One of the Fort Worth Zoo's Western lowland gorillas, 37-year-old Amani, picks the Saints to win Super Bowl XLIV by selecting a paper mache football with a New Orleans logo that is filled with gorilla game day treats such as peanuts, popcorn, grapes, raisins and Great Ape biscuits.

Ah, the big game has finally arrived, and although out beloved New England Patriots aren’t in it this year, the Super Bowl promises to be an entertaining one. From the chicken wings and beers to funny commercials and the actual game, the Super Bowl is a holiday and one of the best days of the year.

It’s also a day to make some cold, hard cash. There are plenty of ways to make some lettuce on Super Bowl Sunday, and not just taking New Orleans plus six (easy cash). Bodog, an online gambling site with everything from poker to sports betting, has some interesting prop bets out there for Sunday’s game. Here are just a few of the interesting ones. Check out Bodog’s game page for all of them.

Colts’  MVP Odds: Reggie Wayne (10-1), Dallas Clark (12-1): Manning’s two favorite targets can both easily win the Super Bowl MVP award. Peyton Manning (2-3) is a safer bet, although you win only two bucks for every three you risk.

Saints’ MVP Odds: Pierre Thomas (10-1), Reggie Bush (10-1): The Reggie Bush play is a nice one. He busts big plays, and is a punt return and a screen pass away from taking home $10 bucks for every dollar you bet. Not bad odds, better than Drew Brees’ (9-4).

Passing yards Over/Under: Both Manning and Brees have their over-unders at 300½. Many people think of this as a high-scoring affair, so both going over is probably going to happen.

Who will have more receptions in the game: Devery Henderson (+1½) or Marques Colston: Take Colston, he is Brees’ No. 1 threat and the 1½ is a joke.

Over/Under Rushing Yards on First Attempt: Both Reggie Bush and Joseph Addai have the over-under at 3½. Both could easily get it done.

Still not satisfied? Bodog has money lines on pretty much every aspect of the game, from the coin toss to historical matchups (like will Drew Brees pass for more yards than John Elway did in Super Bowl XXI).

Want to get a little crazy with your bets? Vegas Watch has some of the more absurd lines on the big game. Check it out for everyone from What color Gatorade will be dumped on the winning coach? to Who will the Super Bowl MVP thank first?

Looking for a little more inside info on the big game on Sunday? New Bedford football guru Jonathan Comey will be blogging live from the Super Bowl. He’s the sports editor at The Standard-Times, and although he doesn’t work for a mega media outlet, he’s a better writer and knows more about football than most of those national dudes.

Anyway, how do members of Decent Community see the big game shaping out on Sunday?

Stan (Saints 3, Colts 2): “Blame it on the Rain…YEAH YEAH”

Pino (Saints 31, Colts 24): “The spirits of Katrina will arise from the bayou and the Saints will come marching home with a Super Bowl win.”

Comber (Saints 31 Colts 20): ”Where’s DOSS!? Too much Brees for Colts gay defense. Go SAINTS”

Houser (Saints 31, Colts 24): “Saints go marching on …”

Gagliaduchi (Saints 28, Colts 24): “Who dat?!!”

Noozle (Saints 34, Colts 28): ”Reggie Bush Superbowl MVP with 200+ all purpose yds, a receiving and rushing touchdown.  After receiving superbowl MVP trophy Bush is caught boning his lady in the locker room.  Monday morning TMZ is all over this and there is a viral video spreading through the interweb.  Kardashian is looking great in it.”

Uncle Jesse (Colts 34, Saints 31): “Too much time for Manning to prepare for this one. Should be a shoot out but the Colts hold on by a field goal.”

Biltvoncliffe (Saints 41, Colts 28): “Everyone comes out guns blazin’.  I hear big Dwight hurt his ankle though.  This gives The Saints the edge.”

Yim (Saints 28, Colts 20): “I do not think it will be a shoot-out. I think the defenses will play well.”

Fugaze (Colts 42, Saints 38): Sit back and enjoy one hell of a show.

Helmet Head: “I want the Saints but think the Colts will win. I can’t be certain at this point. The Colts will most likely score 27 points (3 TDs and 2 FGs) and I predict the Saints to score a little less.  Probably 21 (3 TDs)… Maybe even 17 (2 TDs and a FG).  I found this picture of Peyton Manning on some fat chicks blog.  It grosses me out.  It grossed me out even more when i actually right clicked and pasted it here.”

Tubesteak (Colts 34, Saints 20): ”If winning the Super Bowl meant winning gift certificates to Urban Outfitters, I think the Saints find a way to pull this out. But they’re playing for some stupid trophy, so I’m thinking the Colts win this shit fairly comfortably.”

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Thursday Ramblings

Posted on February 4, 2010 by fugaze

Tough Guy

How cool was “Saved by the Bell?” The decent show from years ago still brings back fond memories. Apparently, according to Screech, it was wicked awesome to be on the show. In his autobiography, he details many scandals that happened on and off the set. Slater raping a girl in his trailer. Zach Morris and Kelly Kapowski having threesums with the cocaine-using producer. Slater, Morris and Screech all banging Kelly then Jesse than Lisa. Screech scoring with an NBC executive. I’m not kidding, read more about it in a review of Dustin Diamond’s book. … So you think you’re the toughest of the tough? The baddest of the bad? The man, the coolest, bestest dude out there? Try your hand at the annual “Tough Guy” race next year. Held every February, the race pits hundreds of macho toughguys, from Army rangers to police captains to athletes, through an 8-mile obstacle course full of barbed wire, firepits, broken glass, ziplines and every other hell you can imagine. The Daily Mail did a nice pictorial of it and this looks like it’s the real deal. “We have our fair share of broken bones,” one of the organizers said about the annual race that raises funds for a variety of charities. … Three links for your enjoyment this Thursday: 1) Answers to the top 25 questions about Apple’s new iPad; 2) CNN has a profile about the new $7,500 sex robot; and 3) The seven most-believed police myths, thanks to movies. …  How awesome was it when the very decent Budweiser Clydesdales spent a week in downtown New Bedford last summer? It seems that’s going to be the last time anyone sees them for a while. The beer company has announced that the famous horsies will not appear in a Super Bowl commercial this year, marking the end of a more than 20-year run of featuring their likeness during the big game. Hopefully, they’ll make a return in 2011 at halftime of a Patriots-Saints Super Bowl. … Yesterday was National Signing Day for high school football players to commit to play at the college level. The University of Florida, Texas and USC were once again the big winners. But as time will tell, whether these stud high-schoolers pan out is anyone’s guess. A look at the last 25 Gatorade Players of the Year in high school shows some mixed results, to people playing in the Super Bowl this weekend (Peyton Manning) to guys now working for a roofing company in Minnesota (Chris Walsh, POY in 1992). Two interesting tidbits from looking at the list: 1) Minnesota Twins catcher Joe Mauer was the best high school football player in 2001 and turned down offers from Notre Dame and Miami to pursue a baseball career; and 2) Tim Couch, former Kentucky QB and No. 1 overall pick by the Cleveland Browns who was POY in 1996, is now married to Playboy centerfold Heather Kozar. … Speaking of football, happy 51st birthday to Lawrence Taylor. While he is remembered as probably the most feared defensive player in NFL history, Taylor is probably more well known for his abuse of drugs and alcohol that led to multiple arrests. Did you know that Taylor used to pay hookers to visit players on the opposing teams the night before games to tire them out? And for a bonus, did you know that Taylor’s son has signed a letter of intent to play college football at Purdue next season? … Happy 62nd birthday to rocker Alice Cooper. His hits, among several others,  include “School’s Out” and “Poison.” Did you know that Cooper is the Godfather to Megadeath frontman Dave Mustaine? … Coming tomorrow to Decent Community: The right proposition bets to make you some Super Bowl cash, as well as predictions from some Decent experts.

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My Favorite Chicken Pictures

Posted on February 4, 2010 by helmet head

Santa Chicken

Ground Beef Head Chicken

Big Red

Yeti Chicken

Thomas Jefferson and George Washington Chickens

Little Jerry

You Must Be Trippin Chicken

Russian Fur Hat Chicken

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Decent Site of the Week: Accidental Dong

Posted on February 1, 2010 by ptrain

This week The Community has named Accidental Dong as our decent site of the week. Here’s the description from their website: “It’s happened a million times. You draw an innocent little sketch for a friend or family member, only to realize moments later, ‘Crap. I just drew a Godzilla-like penis in front of Grandma.’ Well my faux phallic friends, this blog is the home for all those wayward wangs out there.”

Accidental Dong has all sorts of pseudo dicks — some more noticeable than others. Seriously, how many times in your life have you thought, “Bro! Fuckin A! That looks just like a shlong!” This website offers a decent collection of such instances.

Filed under: bored?, comedy, links, media, pop culture, questions, style | Tagged: , , , , , , , | 1 Comment »

Interesting eBay T-Shirts

Posted on January 28, 2010 by Rub

Would you buy this shirt for 29 grand?

Damn. There’s some serious shit on eBay. You can find pretty much anything you want on that piece, and decent t-shirts are no exception. Let’s examine a few t-shirts The Commuity deems “the real deal”:

Transcelestians: This badboy is quite possibly the most rare Star Wars collectible on any planet. A t-shirt made for crew when filming began for A New Hope, aka Star Wars aka Transcelestians (the working title). This is such obscure Star Wars trivia that when this working title is googled, there are no results…seriously, try it. It was once owned by Ben Burtt, the four time Academy Award winning sound technician who got Darth breathing heavy. Price: $29,000

Beatles Butcher: The true origins of this relic are unknown. Its controversial artwork is derived from the infamous Beatles Butcher album that was released in 1966 and subsequently pulled from shelves because of widespread complaints. The original banned albums are worth a small fortune and this tee is arguably even more scarce. Is it an extremely rare record store promo?  Or one of the earliest examples of bootlegging? Either way it’s a vintage artifact. Price: $20,000

Duran Duran Concert Cutoff T: This 1984 piece is from Duran Duran’s first stadium tour of the United States. A film crew led by director Russell Mulcahy followed the band closely during this tour, leading to the documentary film Sing Blue Silver and the accompanying concert film Arena. Just before making their stadium rounds, the band appeared on the cover of Rolling Stone magazine and won two Grammy awards. This t-shirt is one of the foremost relics of a special time in Duran Duran’s history. (And it’s a cutoff!) Price: $11

Allman Bros/The Band/Grateful Dead Summer Jam: This beauty is my second favorite shirt on the list (behind the Duran Duran T). Quite the Summer jam going down at Watkins Glenn in 1973! A heady time for all bands, but especially The Grateful Dead, who played their tightest/cleanest jams throughout 73-74. It’s a great looking shirt and perhaps a decent deal when compared to this other Grateful Dead T. Price: $1,500

Iron Maiden, Florida ‘87 — “Vice is Nice” Tour: This 3/4 sleeve baseball style t-shirt is pretty freakin heavy. As in, heavy metal! Iron Maiden fans are known to hoard their concert t’s — but this rare find documenting their ‘87 run through the Sunshine State is a true gem. Think about it — it’s 1987 and you’re in Florida on the “Vice is Nice” tour with Iron Maiden. It gets no better. Price: $950

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Thursday Ramblings

Posted on January 28, 2010 by fugaze

lego

Somber anniversary this Thursday for it was 24 years ago that the Space Shuttle Challenger broke apart just 73 seconds after take-off due to a faulty O-Ring (really, not a sexual joke). When the ring failed, the rocket and shuttle literally ripped apart. The cockpit hosting the seven astronauts remained intact but it is believed the crew didn’t survive the impact of the cabin with the ocean floor. It was three years before NASA attempted another shuttle launch. … On a more upbeat note, it was 52 years ago today that the Lego company received a patent for its Lego brick, leading to one of the most popular toys of all time. The world’s tallest Lego tower is in Windsor, England, at a Legoland amusement park. It stands almost 100 feet tall and is made of about 500,000 bricks. Did you know that the company is planning another Legoland themepark to open in 2015 in the uber-decent city of Dubai? … Maybe some people don’t realize that we’re still in a recession. City and town municipal budgets are in rough shape, yet that didn’t stop the city of Omaha, Nebraska, to ask for $34,000 to buy a new speedboat. Note that there is no major body of water for hundreds of miles around Omaha. … Did anyone see Cutthroat Island on AMC last week? I watched it for about three seconds before turning it off. Why is Cutthroat Island so noteworthy? It is in the Guinness Book of World Records as the biggest box-office flop of all time. It cost about $115 million to make and made only $10 million worldwide. Check out the list of the biggest flops of all-time, including Son of the Mask, Battlefield Earth, Gigli and The Adventures of Pluto Nash. …  Now that the NFL Draft order is pretty much set (only spots 31 and 32 are left to decide), many publications are putting together their first official Mock Draft. A survey of several out there, found here, have some interesting options for New England. Mel Kiper of ESPN says Clemson outside linebacker Ricky Sapp at No. 22. Other options people out there are thinking include Tim Tebow, Florida linebacker Brandon Spikes, USC running back Joe McKnight and Oklahoma tight end Jermaine Gersham. … Speaking of football, all the crap Vikings fans are feeling about Brett Favre blowing the game by throwing that awful INT when he could have ran for four yards and kicked a game-winning field goal for a trip to the Super Bowl has been felt before by Packers fans in 2004 and 2007, and the Jets and Patriots fans last year. Remember, it was only 14 months ago that the Jets had to win to send New England to the playoffs and Favre threw four picks. Don’t forget that horrible INT he threw against the Giants in OT the years the Pats bid to go 19-0 was unsuccessful. The man who holds the NFL record for postseason interceptions will always blow it when it counts. … Three links for your enjoyment this Thursday: 1) Scientists find the world’s sluttiest bird, adding that 95 percent of them mate with multiple dude birds; 2) Cracked offers six reasons why you shouldn’t try to make homemade porn. Pretty amusing stuff; and 3) Check out these awesome mustaches from the 19th century. … Today would have been the 98th birthday of decent artist Jackson Pollack if he hadn’t have died in a drunk-driving crash in 1956. He is considered one of the most famous and most influential artists in history. His works cover the walls of museums and galleries across the world. Did you know that Pollack was expelled from two high schools because of drinking too much? … Also sharing birthdays today are Patriots kicker Stephen Gostkowski (26), actor Elijah Wood (29) and singers Nick Carter of the Backstreet Boys (30) and Joey Fatone of N’SYNC (33).

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For The Ladies: Sights From French Fashion Show

Posted on January 27, 2010 by fugaze

In the next installment of our “For the Ladies” series, we bring you some of the more marvelous sights from the Haute Couture Spring/Summer 2010 collection. This is the cream of the fashion crop, the kind of stuff chicks drool over and dream of wearing to the royal ball at some fancy European castle.

Anyway, enjoy the pictorial ladies, and thanks for your continued support of Decent Community. The last thing Tubesteak, Helmet and I want is the Community to be a sausage-fest, so tell all your girlfriends about how decent we are and feel free to send bikini pictures to decentcommunity@gmail.com. Please don’t send bikini photos of those unhealthy anorexic gross model chicks though — we’re sure they’re nice people and all, but they kinda freak us out.

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Who is the Chillest Member of Phish?

Posted on January 26, 2010 by noozleman

Bro. Why do questions have to be so difficult? I’m trying to figure this shit out, but it’s kinda insane. This whole question, ya know? I’ve been sitting here for the past three hours going back and forth in my head. Page is fuckin chill, ya know? But Mike is mellow as shit too! The way he just stands there and bobs his head sometimes? That’s laid back. I bet it would be really chill to chill with Trey. And Fishman, man, that dude probably just lets it his shit flow — which I think is pretty chill.

Fuck man, I guess if I gotta say, it’s Page. Ya know, cause he’s just fuckin chill, bro. What do you guys think?

Filed under: bored?, questions, style, tunes | Tagged: , , , , , , | 1 Comment »

Decent Site of the Week: Selleck Waterfall Sandwich

Posted on January 25, 2010 by tubesteak

This week Decent Community thought we’d alert our readers about a new website dedicated to three of our favorite things: Tom Selleck, waterfalls, and sandwiches. So basic in its premise, Selleck Waterfall Sandwich simply presents images that combine Selleck, waterfalls, and sandwiches in all their glory.

Each picture contains a new sandwich, a new look at Selleck, and a new waterfall. I guess there’s only so many ways to describe this — but Selleck Waterfall Sandwich is definitely a decent idea. I’m actually a little embarassed we didn’t think of it first.

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Dennis Eckersley is Our Decent Bastard of the Week

Posted on January 22, 2010 by muffranch

If Decent Community were assembling a ball club, the first thing we’d do is look for the most chill player available. Then we’d probably scout their mustache, and then probably their hairstyle. Finally, we’d look into their actual abilities on the field. Based on the above criteria, the obvious man to build our team around is Dennis Eckersley. Characters like him make baseball so supremely decent that we feel it’s our obligation to honor “The Eck” as our Decent Bastard of the Week.

Let’s first address his playing career. Six time All-Star. 1988 ALCS MVP. 1989 World Series champion. 1992 AL MVP and Cy Young. One of two players (Smoltz) with seasons of 20 wins and 50 saves. Two-time Rolaids Relief Man of the Year. First ballot Hall of Famer. Now that we got that out of the way….

His look. Following in the tradition mustache-wearing Hall of Fame relievers (Gossage, Sutter, Fingers), with a sort of lettuce/mop/mullet hairstyle and slim physique, Eck looked kinda like a snarling pirate on the mound. His sidearm delivery, however, more closely resembled an elegant swan. Put all of this together, throw in that stylish A’s uniform, and you’ve got a model of how a decent ball player should look.

Astonishingly, Eckersley the decent bastard posessed chill levels that rivaled his remarkable appearence. Widely hailed as a legendary teammate, his intense competitive nature never interfered with his laid-back aura. Listening to him in the Red Sox broadcast booth, you get a feel for Eck’s totally non-contrived character.

Then there’s his lingo: salad (off-speed pitches), slide piece (slider), educated cheese (mediocre fastball thrown by a veteran pitcher), gay cheese (fastball in the mid-80’s), warm cheese (low 90’s fastball), easy gas (effortless heat), hair (comes off a upper 90’s fastball), Gas Masterson (guy who pumps serious fastballs), and johnson (home run, chump hitter, pretty much anything he wants it to mean).

Even if we could ”paint” as well as Dennis Eckersley, we could never design a more decent ball player. Our ideal five tool guy (+pitcher, +hairstyle, +mustache, +lingo, +chill levels), The Community sweats The Eck almost as much as we sweat bronsons. For it’s our opinion that this bastard was/is the most completely decent player to ever put on a major league uniform.

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Thursday Ramblings

Posted on January 21, 2010 by fugaze

TV analysts have been saying for a while now that NBC’s “Heroes” is in trouble, but Jack Bauer may have slammed the nail in its coffin. According to Media Life Magazine, the second night of the “24″ premiere drove audiences far away from NBC’s long-running show. “Heroes” registered 1.8 million viewers on Monday night, 14% less than last week and an all-time low for the series. For anyone interested, Bauer delivered a very decent 3.8 million Sunday night and a 3.4 million Monday night, a little higher than expected. … Speaking of “24,” e-mails have come flying into Decent Community about the new CTU chick with the large rack. She should be very recognizable to sci-fi nerds: She is Katee Sackhoff and she appeared on the popular Battlestar Galactica and has appeared in several episodes of everything from Law and Order to Nip/Tuck. She is currently in remission from thyroid cancer after having her thyroid removed several years ago. Did you know that CTU’s newest hottie was born in Beaverton, Oregon? … I don’t have anything against all the New Year’s Resolution newcomers at the gym every January. Some of the meatheads at Workout World in New Bedford grumble when they see the new faces, but I am more in the camp to wish them good luck and hope they stick around. One person who I don’t ever want to see again in the chubby girl who has shown up the past few days around 2 p.m. She wears jeans and a tanktop way to small for her and spends all her time barely walking on the treadmill while talking on her cell phone so loudly that everyone can hear her conversation about her ex-boyfriend and how the police planted drugs on him after a fight outside a bar in Fall River. Oh, did I mention she walks on the treadmill in Uggs? Please leave and never come back, thanks. … There are three ways to get extremely wealthy in today’s world: 1) Be a very good professional athlete; 2) Be a very talented entertainment celebrity; or 3) Hit the lottery. I’m going with the latter and have started a new campaign where I buy a $20 scratch ticket every Friday (0-for-1 so far, -$20). You’ll know if I won when you see a Decent Community Super Bowl commercial. … Speaking of the Super Bowl, congrats to everyone who won a hundo taking my advice last week by betting on the Jets. Want to keep that hundo? Don’t bet this weekend. The Jets got pretty lucky last week (three missed San Diego field goals) and the Colts got a good look at the Ravens’ defense last week that is extremely similar to New York’s. That being said, I wouldn’t bet a penny on the Colts or the Jets, just too much uncertainty. Same with New Orleans and Minnesota. Anything can happen in that game. For what it’s worth, I’m picking a New Orleans-Indy Super Bowl.  … Three links for your reading enjoyment this Thursday: 1) A look at the coolest fictional guns in movies and TV. I think Robocop’s pistol should be a little higher; 2) Drunk guy gets shot then gets a DUI while driving himself to the hospital; and 3) Very talented artist can make some pretty cool stuff using only one piece of printer paper. Very decent. … A pair of basketball legends are enjoying their 57th birthdays today, the first being decent old-school player Detlef Schrempf. He was a three-point machine for Indiana and Seattle. Did you know Schrempf, who married a former hurdler on the West German Olympic team, passed his sweet jumpshot onto his son, Alex, who is a scholarship freshman at UCLA? And the second is Hakeem “The Dream” Olajuwon. Did you know that Hakeem, a 12-time All-Star, Olympic gold-medalist and Hall-of-Famer, was one of just a handful of NBA stars to endorse a sneaker not made by Nike, Reebok or Adidas? He chose Spalding and a $35-pair of sneakers to wear because he didn’t want to endorse expensive kicks that would put strain on families. … And finally, happy 54th birthday to actress and Wareham, Mass., native Geena Davis. Did you know that Davis is a member of the American Mensa Society, an organization for Americans with IQs in the top 2 percent? Hers is 140, slightly higher than Tubesteak.

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Decent Community Word Search

Posted on January 20, 2010 by tubesteak

As you probably know, DC is pretty fond getting down on games. So today we wanted to drop a decent word search on your ass. It’s a fun little way to pass the time, increase your detective abilities, and hunt down decency. In fact, there’s a reward for the first person to email us a successfully completed version of this word search! For a printable PDF, it’s at this link: DC WORD SEARCH. Have fun, you bastards!

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Everything You Wanted To Know About Animal Sex

Posted on January 19, 2010 by fugaze

 

So us humans think we’re the baddest and best at doing the deed. Who can blame us? Over time, our species has come up with thousands of different positions and ways to make sex better and better. Toys, costumes, dolls, lotions … even stuff that is too undecent to mention here on the Community has all been invented by humans for human sexual purposes.

As much as we like to think we rule at doing it, we actually don’t. Here are some reasons, courtesy of Cracked, why you may be jealous of some of the animal species who are taking boning to a whole new level.

Marathon sex sessions kill mice

The Brown Antichinus, a mouse species native to Australia, gets super horny during mating season. What do the males do? They bone the same female mouse for as long as 12 hours straight, then quickly move on to the next female for round two. This goes on for days until the little guy’s body simply can’t take it anymore. Every male Brown Antichinus eventually dies from the stress of over-boning after mating season.

Hippos have an unusual fetish

We know hippos are Hungry Hungry, but they are also horny horny. When a male hippo eyes up a decent-looking female, he walks into her line of sight then spins his best game. What game might that be? He takes a massive dump right in front of her then goes in for the kill: He uses his tail as a propeller, spinning around spraying all that female-hippo-attracting crap all over the place. Needless to say, the ladies can’t resist.

One just doesn’t get it done for Red-Sided Garter Snake

This reptile yearns for a nice, big snake after hibernation. When she sends out pheromones letting the guys know she’s wet and ready, about 100 reptiles will slither around her, hoping she chooses their snake. Only one is lucky enough to get to the promised land with this beauty but the others shouldn’t feel too left out: They start dry-humping each other in a massive snake orgy. Scientists also say that some of the dudes want their snakes taken care of so badly that they’ll release their own version of the feminine pheromone so the other dude snakes will go to town. Kinda gay.

The tricky Cichlid Fish

The males of this decent species have game, and they know how to use it. When females lay eggs, they usually take them in their mouths and transport them to safety a little ways away. The dudes developed small white lights by their dongs that are very similar to eggs. They swim under these traveling babes, who, seeing the lights, think they have dropped an egg and dive their mouths at the dong. That’s when the male blows its load in her mouth, impregnating the fish for another round of egg-laying.

Bedbugs make the best out of a crappy situation

Female bedbugs are born without any kind of vagina. Bummer for the dudes, who are super horny and love to bone all the time. If there’s no va-j-j, how do these guys get it on? Their wangs have sharp tips to them and they use it to poke a hole in the female’s abdomen, then they bone the crap out of them through the hole. That’s where all those tiny bugs pestering poor neighborhoods come from; a razor-sharp bug tubesteak.

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DC Podcast Vol. X

Posted on January 18, 2010 by tubesteak

Wazzaaa Dece lovers! We’re ecstatic to jam out the tenth edition of our podcast. The Decent Atlanta studios recently upgraded their equipment, and the result is the most professionally produced podcast yet. It’s smoother in every regard, and you’ll really notice the enhanced sound quality.

Click here to listen to and download the Decent Community Podcast.

However, we’re happy to say that all the slick production takes a backseat to the music. The tenth volume is the most cohesive podcast to date — really capturing a chill vibe that we hope will appeal to a broad audience. It’s a little less jam-heavy than usual, but I’m willing to bet that everyone will find some goods they’re really into. Seriously, we’d really appreciate you giving this a listen. One love!

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Decent Site of the Week: Look at this Fucking Hipster.com

Posted on January 15, 2010 by tubesteak

Word to your mutha. This week’s Decent Site of the Week profiles bastards who sport jeans/spandex, ironic shirts, nerd glasses, fucked up hair, and slug PBRs. Of course, we’re talking about hipsters — and these faux-trendy scenesters are on full display at LookAtThisFuckingHipster.com (abbreviated latfh.com).

Total freak show going on at this site, and at times these hipsters can be scary. But LookAtThisFuckingHipster.com definitely packs in the indies and emos. If nothing else, it features a comprehensive catalogue of people you could definitely beat up. Check it out.

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Thursday Ramblings

Posted on January 14, 2010 by fugaze

Casino gambling is becoming quite the hot issue around Massachusetts. Although it is illegal to open a casino, the state legislature is expected to take up, and many insiders feel they will approve, casino gambling in the state. New Bedford is hot on the trail of a casino, and one developer has released some mighty fine plans for the former NStar plant off Route 18. A slide show showcasing the plans is quite a nice way to spend a couple of minutes thinking how cool The Whaling City would be with a hopping urban casino. … So it’s no secret that The Jersey Shore is the hottest thing since sliced bread. Everyone is talking about the show which is currently MTV’s top program. Hell, even Tubesteak and I are starting to do some daily GTL. Anyway, the stars of the show are now making a fortune. Various Web sites are reporting that the stars are now charging big bucks for appearance fees to go to various events. Pauly D is getting $7,500 a pop and everyone’s favorite, Snooki, recently got $10,000 to go to a bar opening in Florida. That’s a lot of tanning and plastic surgery right there. Think it’s not that big? Obama was recently asked if his daughters watch it. He said no way. … Sucked not having Wes Welker on the field last week against Baltimore but Welker seemed to have a good enough seat for the game: In Bob Kraft’s suite with a hottie next to him. Who is this chick Welker’s doing? Sports Illustrated tracked her down. Her name is Anna Burns (above) and she was the 2005 Miss Hooters International. Decent! … Speaking of football, want to win some cash? Bet a couple hundo on the Jets (+7½) at San Diego this weekend. With New York’s No. 1 defense, points will be at a premium, meaning you’re a big winner if the Chargers win 13-6. Plus, the Jets might win outright. San Diego has feasted on crappy teams like the Raiders, Chiefs, Broncos and N.Y. Giants, and the Bolts have no running game. The Jets, meanwhile, excel at blitzing and shutting down No. 1 receivers, a la Capt. Cornerback Revis. Other playoff picks for this weekend include New Orleans (-7), Indy (-6½) and Dallas (+2½). … Three links for your reading enjoyment this Thursday: 1) Canada’s second-oldest magazine, The Beaver, has to change its name because it’s attracting the wrong crowd online; 2) Is Tiger Woods being treated for sex addiction? People magazine says he has checked into the same rehab place David Duchovny went for his issues; and 3) A cool look at some books lost to history that might have changed the world. Sexual Bible? … Happy 56th birthday to decent old-school wrestler “Hacksaw” Jim Duggan, who in 2009 set the WWF record for most years (17) between Royal Rumble appearances. Did you know that Duggan was arrested in 1987 for driving drunk and high in New Jersey while The Iron Sheik was blowing cocaine in Duggan’s front seat after a WWF show? … Happy 62nd birthday to “Apollo Creed” Carl Weathers. Did you know Weathers, who played in eight games at linebacker for coach John Madden and the Oakland Raiders from 1970-71, denied a request from Sylvester Stallone to use footage from the first Rocky movie in the latest entry, Rocky Balboa, because he wanted a part in the movie. Kind of a silly request considering Apollo died in Rocky IV. … Coming soon to Decent Community: Everything you ever wanted to know about animal sex.

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Decent Reads of the Week

Posted on January 13, 2010 by tubesteak

Stop the presses! The Community thought it would be a good move to bring new looks at decency by sharing some of the chill articles that come across our desk. So we’re instituting a new post we’ll get up every so often called “Decent Reads of the Week,” in which we’ll provide goods we feel are insightful, funny, weird, or what have you. (If you come across something you think we should share, send it along to DecentCommunity@gmail.com.) Here’s some goods for this week:

Undressing the Terror Threat (WSJ)

Briton jailed for four years in Dubai after customs find cannabis weighing less than a grain of sugar under his shoe (Daily Mail, UK)

Brother gets revenge on sister with legendary facebook post. (SoJones.com)

John Lennon wrote “Come Together” as a campaign song for Timothy Leary’s race against Ronald Reagan for governor of California. (NYT)

Breaking down the sentence: “Buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo.” (Wiki)

Dude shits his pants on a date and tries to figure out what to do. (Lamebook.com)

KFC Thinks Black People Like Fried Chicken or Something (KnucklesUnited.com)

Sorry MILFs: Carnival Bans Cougar Cruises (Miami New Times)

What Makes Us Happy? (The Atlantic)

John Updike on Golf (NYT)

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